Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Recurring Trauma

I don't know if this thing is what one could call as recurring but I just felt like it's the word that I could find that would fit with what I'm feeling right now. Oh yeah, cr*p, I can;t believe I still have that fear. To begin with, I shall somewhat narrate of how this eerie feeling began (again?).

I had this friend of mine whose real name I shall not disclose (although if my folks happen to read this, they sure are gonna) and that I shall hide in the code name of Kate. And oh (to my malisyosong friends), she's just a friend, nothing more, nothing less. I just mentioned her because I wanted to (nah, of course there's significance. Read further).

What happened to her explains why she was absent the whole Friday (last Jan 21, 2011) even though we are scheduled to have a test during that day. Of course, it was very far from our my speculation--that she had that monthly regular fever (That's in code by the way. What else could happen to a woman monthly?). That (fever) is what she said the reason why she was absent the last she was so I speculated that oh maybe she had a visit again. But this time is different.

We even kind of made fun of her about the reason of her absence. But we then became quiet when she told our teacher that she was actually absent because she was STABBED. And yes, I should had in bold letters for significance. She was stabbed just below the center of her chest. She even showed us just some part of the bandage/plaster(dunno what it really is called) but of course just partially. You know, the wound is below the chest. There's no way she should show it. But anyway we still believed her. It's not a thing that one can lie. After all she was hospitalized so I don't think there could be way she should make up some story.

And anyway (back to the story), she told us of what happened. Somebody or somebodies, should I say, broke in to their boarding house. It would not be so scary only if those two guys did not break into her room which was on the 3rd floor. She said she did not recognize the thieves as some of her acquaintances but she saw their faces. She is sure that if she sees their faces again, she could point out that they are the men who broke into her room. She said that the one guy (thief1) is good looking and seems like a drug addict while the other (thief2) is not good looking. She actually had a roommate but at that time, she is alone. That is probably why the thief1 attempted to rape he. That is what she thought because the thief1 dragged her out of her room to the 3rd floor comfort room. She shouted for help and that is perhaps why thief1 stabbed her in the chest because he is sensing a presence coming.

Until now she has no idea of how on earth the thieves could've broken into the boarding house. With respect to how they were able to break into her room, she had a speculation that one of them entered her room through the hollow part above her door and then opened the door for the other to enter. She said she was able to wake up because they originally had set a trap(well it's not really a trap. it's just an alarm). She posted a chair beside the door and an alkansiya (a piggy bank) so that if the door would be opened the chair would create be moved and the piggy bank will fall thus creating a squeak and a noise.

She also said that she could really see their faces because the lights were one. An incident already happened prior to the incident. She said that that incident was the explanation of her first absence in our class. She told us that the lights were of but she could remember the face. she was awoken by the sound of somebody moving or checking on her things. The guy tried to force her and threatened her that he has a knife. But she was quick enough to realize that the guy is not bringing any weapon so she awakened her roommate sleeping on the deck above her. The guy then fled. She told us later that the guy who tried to rape her once is the same guy in the first incident, the thief1.

Just thank God because the stab did not hit any vital organ and only her cellphone (the one with flashlight) was stolen. Just strange though that her other cellular phone wasn't stolen. Our assumption is that the thievery is a whole fake. It was just probably just a pretext and his intentions were not to steal anything but just to fulfill his lustful desire to our poor classmate.

The narration of her story happened last Monday. Last Monday evening, I think I brought the feeling of fear from her story. Somebody or somebodies (my sister only saw one) broke into our house some years ago. What were stolen are the car and house keys and my mom's bag including her cell phone and an amount of cash. The person who probably should be experiencing trauma is my sister. She was awaken because one heaven-sent friend of hers greeted her a "Good Morning" at 4 am. She saw a human silhouette on her doorway. She could not figure out if it's a man or woman because the lights were off and the lights outside the house were off, too. It took her such a long time to figure out that that figure could not be that of my mother or mine and therefore an intruder. I could not really recall what happened to her. All that is fresh in my mind is that I think I could've prevented the robbery. I was the one who slept last and late (probably, 1-2am) at that time. As I went out of the room to go to the living room to somewhat watch tv first, I heard some scratching sounds near the kitchen. I thought at that time that some stray cat was scratching again our kitchen screen door. After the robbery, only did then I realized that the scratching sounds were not that of a cat. It was surely that of someone trying to destroy the screen door. He was probably attempting to open the second door by destroying first the screen door.

Until now, I could still fell the trauma. Last Monday, I studied in my room and soon fell asleep. I became suddenly awake at 12 am something with my lights still turned on. At that time, my hairs were raising. I felt the wind's coldness and became really afraid because I just felt that there is another unnecessary presence and perhaps an intruder. That is why I immediately went out of my room, turned all the lights then checked the locks and the windows and tried to feel the atmosphere whether there really was another presence. Turning on the lights and making sounds is said to alarm intruders so I made a coughing noise. Sigh! I felt relieved. The experience of Kate seemed to bring back that fear.

Again I felt another eerie feeling just this early morning. I just heard my mom complaining outside of somebody something not doing something about the lights. The mere mention of the lights and doing nothing about it arouse me from my slumber. I got up suddenly and went out of the room only to realize that what my mom was talking about is that we forgot to turn off some of the lights outside the house so as to conserve electricity.

I never felt that feeling would be back again. It's just like a dream, no no, more of  nightmare actually. the trauma is recurring. I think I need counseling. I think I need a psychologist or worse, psychiatrist. Oh no, I pray I'm not that crazy.

2 investigated:

roj said...

Kuyaw jud bitaw ay. :| Bisan mag-ampo pa ka, if naa juy mangawat, naa jud na. Pero all you can ask for is safety of everyone, diba?

kris‧tian said...

Lagge bitaw. sakto ka. Actually murag naa napud dagway mu attempt ug sulod sa amu balay, bag-o ra. Ingon ako mama na naa daw siya nakit-an na mga footprints sa gawas dapit sa ako bedroom window. Kuyawa aron uie. haha

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